LEARN TO TRUST YOURSELF Understanding and developing trust is a cornerstone for a happy and successful life. You may think trusting others is the key, but you can only trust others to be themselves, and it takes time to figure out the character of new people you meet. The real key to trust is knowing how to trust yourself. Once you can do that, whether other people are trustworthy or not becomes a lot clearer. To develop your ability to trust, you should first understand your past. Low self-esteem, previous betrayals and parents who were abusive, belittling, distant or unreliable may cause anyone to become extremely guarded. If you feel bad about yourself, you can’t trust yourself. Therapy can help you improve your self-image, which will lead to self-trust. Next, examine patterns in your past and current relationships, especially the ones you felt let down or betrayed. Ask yourself, what were your expectations? Sometimes we want a relationship to work out so much that we hear promises that the other person didn’t make. If you rely heavily on others meeting your expectations, you don’t trust yourself. Learn to use your judgment and watch people’s actions instead of listening to your words. When you use your awareness to protect yourself, you can trust yourself. Another step in building trust is to be trustworthy yourself. Keep your promises, especially to yourself. Be fair, be nice, and don’t take advantage of people or let them take advantage of you. Feeling trustworthy means you can trust yourself. If you react with a lot of drama when something seems wrong, before you know what’s really going on, you don’t trust yourself. Overreacting, hysteria and temper tantrums are all signs of feeling out of control. Learn to think before responding, and you’ll look more trustworthy to others, and also to yourself. If you have a lot of anxiety, you don’t trust yourself. Learn to face your fears and figure out what to do if anything you’re afraid of actually happens. Once you know how to take care of yourself, your anxiety will fade and your trust will grow. If the people around you aren’t reliable, you’ll behave more like them. Hang around trustworthy, reliable people who keep their word and don’t make promises they can’t keep. Your behavior will improve and so will your self-trust. Imagine what a year of knowing how to trust yourself can bring! © 2020 Tina B. Tessina adapted from: It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction Author Bio:Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 40 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 15 books in 17 languages, including Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today; It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty; Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, The Real 13th Step, How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together and How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. She writes the “Dr. Romance blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance.” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts. She tweets @tinatessina
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