MAKING AND KEEPING NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS Happy New Year! I wish you peace, within yourself, within your relationships, within the world. New Year’s resolutions are about beginning fresh, and correcting past problems, so the impetus to do them as the year begins anew makes sense. However, it’s a lot easier said than done. If the resolution is made with real motivation behind it, it will likely succeed, no matter when you begin. But, if you’re just making resolutions because everyone else is, or you believe you should do it, you’re likely to have changed your mind by now. It’s also important to do the steps leading up to change before you make the resolution. The new year is a great time to begin new traditions, and change habits. You can do this New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day, or any time you want to ring out the old and bring in the new, such as an anniversary. Your resolutions will be more successful if they’re suitable for who you are. Motivation comes from celebration and appreciation (Motivation= celebration + appreciation) and if you make the resolution easy to accomplish (or break it down into simple steps), you’ll have more successes to celebrate and you’ll be able to appreciate your accomplishment. A great New Year’s eve ritual is: Get some paper and pencils. (you’re going to burn this, so a list on your phone won’t work.) You need a source of fire: a fireplace or bonfire, or a candle or lighter and a large ashtray. You’ll also need a paper calendar that stays in one place (on a wall or desk), and includes a date one year from today. If it’s December 1, 2024, your calendar includes December 31, 2025. You’re going to write two separate lists (two for each of you, if you’re a couple or group) on two separate pieces of paper: The first list is what you’d like to eliminate from your life: relationship hassles, difficulties, money worries, illnesses, deprivations, etc. The second list is what you’d like to bring into or create to replace what you’re releasing or to add to what you already have. This exercise works more on the subconscious and intuitive levels than the rational, thinking level. Once you’ve written and shared your lists, crumple up the “elimination” list. If you have a fire or bonfire, use a small paper bag, put the list in it, blow in some air, twist the top tight and toss it in the fire. It will “pouf” into flame and be consumed. As it does this, say out loud, “I release this energy into the universe to be transformed into something more useful.” If you have no fire or fireplace, simply light your list with a match or from a candle and place it in the big ashtray or the barbeque. Use the same phrase as above, and say it aloud as the list burns. Do this as ceremoniously as you like. If you like tradition and ritual, have music, candles, incense, etc. Make your lists as simple or as fancy and artistic as you wish. If you’re religious, include a reference to help from your God or Higher Power. Then, take your “creation” list and tape it on the calendar page one year from today’s date. Forget about it for a year. Next New Year’s Eve, or day, take out your lists, and you’ll be surprised at how much of what you wanted to create you’ve accomplished. Richard and I find this a delightful, encouraging process to do twice a year. We include lots of friends in the New Year’s Eve ceremony, but keep our wedding anniversary ceremony private. From: It Ends with You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction ©2024 Tina B. Tessina Author Bio: Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 45 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 18 books in 17 languages, including Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today; It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty; The Real 13th Step , How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together; How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free, Money, Sex and Kids; 52 Weeks to Better Mental Health, and her newest, Stop Overthinking. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance.” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts.
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