SEVEN STEPS FOR TURNING TALK INTO COMMUNICATION Good communication is the foundation for all healthy relationships, whether with your partner, family, work mates or friends. Understanding how to be heard when talking isn’t working can make all the difference. Here are Seven Steps for Turning Talk into Communication: 1. Communicate with yourself first. If you know a chance to talk is coming up, take a little time to think about it beforehand. Know what you want to say, what you want your partner to understand, and what you want to accomplish. If you’re upset or anxious about the topic, try writing your thoughts down to organize them. 2. Do you understand your partner? Even though you are prepared to communicate what you want your partner to know, begin by being willing to listen. If you are receptive and interested, the conversation will go better, and your mate will be more likely to reciprocate and listen to you. 3. If the conversation goes off track, bring it back. Don’t let the conversation wander to other topics until you’re sure you’ve finished the first topic. If other topics come up, like past events or other problems, say “I’d like to talk about that, too, but let’s finish the first problem before we go there.” 4. Don’t argue about who’s right. It leads to endless arguing and getting nowhere. Switch your focus from right and wrong to what will work—it’s not about who’s right, but what solves the problem. 5. Stay calm. If either one of you is getting upset, take a break, agree to let the topic rest until next time, and switch to talking about something pleasant, like how much you care. 6. Make constructive suggestions. For each problem you discuss, offer some possible solutions. If you can’t agree on a solution, agree to try one temporarily to see how it works. 7. Confirm your solution. Whatever you’ve decided you want to do based on your discussion, this is the time to confirm your decision and make sure you both understand your agreement. Following these steps can make a big difference in the success of your communication. For more about this, read: How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together. Author Bio:Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 40 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 15 books in 17 languages, including Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today; It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty; Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, The Real 13th Step, How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together and How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. She writes the “Dr. Romance blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance.” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts. She tweets @tinatessina
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