THE VALUE OF GOOD RELATIONSHIP SKILLS What are some subtle, positive things about a relationship that are commonly taken for granted but are actually really good for the relationship? 1. Your partner is willing to listen to you, and be honest with you: about your frustrations, about sex, about anger, about disappointment, about your appreciation of each other, about the meaning of life, about everything. If you’re lucky enough to have this, it makes relating so easy that you might take it for granted. Don’t. It’s not easy to find, and it’s priceless. You can always solve problems if you can talk them out. 2. Your partner is willing to work together to solve anything that comes up, and you’re a team, a partnership. If you don’t get stuck on who’s right or wrong, and you keep your focus on what will solve the problem, you can handle all the curve balls life throws at you, with mutual respect and helpfulness. Nothing will ever defeat you as a couple if you can do this, but it’s not exciting; so you might not value it. 3. If you and your partner can keep your connection going: through communication, sex, affection, understanding and concern for each other, your relationship will always feel good, intimate and comfortable. Lasting love is not dramatic, it’s comfortable and low-key, but it feels great. Don’t miss it. 4. If you and your partner have a sense of humor, and can let small things go, give the benefit of the doubt, and care about each other. You are in a loving relationship, not a contest, and that’s a very good thing. Don’t overlook it, give it the respect it deserves. 5. If you both know it’s not about who’s right or wrong it’s about solving the problem together; (see number 2) you’ll always know you have each other’s back, and that often doesn’t even happen in families. It’s a foundation for lasting love. 6. If you both know that with listening, caring and the willingness to change, anything in your relationship can be fixed. As a therapist, I often have to work hard to convince couples that this is what they need to do. If you already have it, you won’t panic if something goes wrong. It will give you confidence in your partnership. 7. If you both know it’s a partnership, you’ll stop struggling, and learn to work together. It’s not a game or a contest, it’s a team, and there’s no “I” in team. Work it out together, and you’ll be blessed. 8. If you’re both mature enough to behave yourselves and remember behavior that enhances relationships with people at work, and with your friends, will probably work if you use it with your partner. The more you do this, the more fun and closeness you’ll have. 9. You’ll regret it if you don’t value forgiveness, gratitude and kindness; because what goes around comes around, in love as well as life. 10. You’ll regret it if you don’t value mature behavior. Be a loving and giving grownup, not a selfish and demanding little kid. Learn to value responsibility, kindness, caring, mutuality and affection. They are the keys to a happy relationship. Author Bio:Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 40 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 15 books in 17 languages, including Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today; It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty; Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, The Real 13th Step, How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together and How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. She writes the “Dr. Romance blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance.” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts. She tweets @tinatessina
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