TRIGGERS AND GLIMMERS In this time of high anxiety and tension, exacerbated by “journalism” that seeks to upset us to get our attention, I want to talk about the Polyvagal Theory idea of glimmers and triggers, which was developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, PhD, a professor of psychiatry. He proposes that our nervous system is constantly scanning for signs of safety and danger, and it’s one reason mammals are able to work together for survival. In 2022 he wrote: “humans, as social mammals, are on an enduring lifelong quest to feel safe.” In short, our bodies and brains function best when we feel safe. In the course of my work with clients, I have found safety, emotional and physical, to be a prime requirement for recovery. One of the things I focus on is helping my clients to be safe with themselves, not attacking or demeaning themselves, and not putting themselves at risk. Porges maintains we can identify “environmental and visceral features that are safe, dangerous, or life-threatening” which he calls “prompts”. We put these environmental prompts into two categories: triggers and glimmers. You may already be familiar with triggers. That concept is used a lot in therapy. Triggers are objects or events that elicit a fear response in us. When we’re “triggered” we tend to react with fight or flight; either fighting back or running away. This is what can happen when a partner, even one who is non-threatening, does or says something that we saw or heard during a traumatic event. For example, if you have been hit before, and your partner raises a hand to brush a hair out of your face, you flinch as though you are about to be hit. (Dog trainers will try raising a hand to a dog to see if it has been abused. If it has, it will flinch without being touched). Or if a partner says something that was said during a traumatic event, such as a previous fight, you’ll overreact and fight back when it isn’t necessary. I spend a lot of time in counseling helping people and couples disarm their triggers and stop fighting. Glimmers are a less well known prompts: They are objects or events that produce feelings of safety and well-being. When your partner gently touches you, or smiles warmly at you, you will relax. I often have couples hold hands while having discussions about topics that need solutions. It’s incredibly helpful to understand what your own glimmers are, and what are glimmers for your partner and others you’re close to. If you know the word, phrase, or gesture that calms someone, you can keep discussions from getting out of hand. Glimmers can also be objects. Before I even knew the theory, I knew that being surrounded by beautiful things, pets, plants and flowers made me feel calm and safe. We need to have safe places both inside us and outside. Learn what your glimmers are, and the next time you or someone else is triggered, you will know what to do. I wish you peace, within yourself, within your family, within the world. ©2024 Tina B. Tessina adapted from: It Ends with You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction Author Bio: Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. (www.tinatessina.com) is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 40 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 18 books in 17 languages, including Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today; It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty; How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free; 52 Weeks to Better Mental Health, and her newest; Stop Overthinking: A Workbook. She writes the “Dr. Romance blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance.” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts.
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