WHAT IS GOOD MENTAL HEALTH? At its most basic, your mental health is your relationship with yourself, your thoughts, and your emotions. Improve those things, which is easier than you might think, and you’ll improve all your other relationships, as well. Our conscious thoughts use only a small portion of our brains. Much of the brain is occupied by things we don’t think about: breathing, blood circulation and pressure, automatic reflexes, walking, vision, taste, hearing, talking, and other bodily functions we tend to take for granted. Our bodies just seem to work without our conscious interference. For example, your native language may seem to be there when you need it, but if you’ve ever learned a foreign language as an adult, you can feel how much brain power goes into language learning. Becoming Familiar with Hidden Thoughts Another large part of the brain is devoted to feelings, memories, dreams, fantasies, spirituality, and emotional energy. The term I prefer for this part of our minds is the subconscious. All our memories, reactions, feelings, and a lot of thinking goes on just below our awareness, but it can have profound effects on who we feel we are, how we interact with others, and even on autonomic body functions like blood pressure and heartbeat. If you’ve ever struggled with your blood pressure being abnormally high just because you’re at the doctor’s office (known as “white coat syndrome”) or felt your heart race because you’re watching an exciting game or seeing someone you have strong feelings for, you know thoughts and feelings can affect you physically. Subconscious thoughts can also create unpleasant emotional reactions like anxiety attacks, and suppressed grieving is often behind depression. When you become familiar with your hidden thoughts and feelings, you can manage them and resolve them; and no longer be at the mercy of them. The Influence of the Past We all have leftovers from the past: old problems, hurts, and memories that can trouble us on an ongoing basis. Everyone also has an “internal dialog” that often includes hurtful words and beliefs from our pasts that we unconsciously retained because they were painful or concerning. These harsh phrases tend to run on a loop just below our awareness. Whether the mental leftovers come from childhood, a destructive relationship, or a negative work environment, you don’t have to live with them. You can learn to replace them with internal dialog that is encouraging rather than discouraging, motivating rather than destructive, and healing rather than upsetting. To do that, you need to become aware of the hidden, inner dialog you have with yourself. The Power of Writing When you’re agitated by a lot of ideas swirling around in your head, such as what others want you to do, what you want to do, and all the choices you have, writing things down can help you sort out all the facts, eliminate the bad ideas, and reach a conclusion that you can feel confident about. After writing and analyzing your thoughts, you’ll know your solution is the right one for you. If you make your decision without the benefit of this process of self-awareness, you may not feel certain that your decision is truly your own. And if people you respect or care for have voiced an opinion about the decision, consciously honoring your own perspective is all the more important. Benefits of Good Mental/Emotional Health A major benefit of being connected to yourself and in charge of your decisions is the big boost you get in self-confidence. Self-confidence, or the ability to trust yourself, helps you navigate your life successfully and approach new situations calmly and competently. Being a good friend to yourself leads to trusting yourself, and trusting yourself builds your confidence. 52 Weeks to Better Mental Health: A guided Workbook for Self-exploration will guide you in building your confidence and trust. Good mental health involves not only yourself but other people too. Your relationships with others are based on your relationship with yourself. What other people do is not your fault or your responsibility. Your responsibility lies in how you respond to what others say and do. Because people change, circumstances change, and life and love involve loss and grief, learning to make new friends is essential. The only friendship you will have birth to death is the one with yourself. Motivation comes from celebration and appreciation. This means you have the power to increase your motivation by celebrating and appreciating your accomplishments. Even when no one else is being appreciative, you can appreciate yourself. Past experience has a profound and lasting effect on your mental health. Some of the effects are beneficial; some are harmful. The effects don’t have to be lasting. 52 Weeks to Better Mental Health: A guided Workbook for Self-exploration will help you sort through your past and its influences and help you choose what you want to change. Learning how to reassure yourself will help you get through the challenging moments in life. Everyone seems to be looking for happiness, but many search in the wrong places. Temporary happiness can come from many things: getting high, accomplishing something, falling in love. But true, lasting happiness that doesn’t fade comes from within you. It can’t be bought or achieved by what you do. It’s the connection with yourself that creates true happiness, and from there it spreads to others and bounces back to you. ©2024 Tina B. Tessina from 52 Weeks to Better Mental Health: A guided Workbook for Self-exploration and Growth. Author Bio: Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 45 years’ experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 18 books in 17 languages, including Dr. Romance’s Guide to Finding Love Today; It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty; The Real 13th Step; How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together; How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free, Money, Sex and Kids; 52 Weeks to Better Mental Health, and her newest, Stop Overthinking. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance.” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, TV, video and podcasts.
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